Thin as fuck

This is too long to go in your ask box, post it if you want, I don’t mind.

redefiningbodyimage:

Submission from as-thin-as-fuck

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I want to thank you for this blog and applaud how amazing and brave you are! Reading it has reduced me to tears and its really touched me in a way that no other body-loving blog has managed too before.

I have an eating disorder, my formative years have been spent struggling with one, but gradually I’ve been able to make the odd change here and there for the better such as quitting purging. Essentially my ED and I have declared a truce.

Fitspo blogs have always repelled me and I simply assumed that was partly due to the fact I was sick, but they would go on and on about this kind of muscle tone, and how great it is to be super strong but that has never appealed to me! Sure, a bit of tummy definition maybe but the thought of having body builder abs freaks me the hell out… most NORMAL people do not look like that, was it so wrong for me to want to be normal??? And I felt pretty much the same about blogs that would point to skinny girls with small boobs and talk about how ‘real women’ were meant to look. I don’t have small boobs myself but I think they look awesome, boobs are boobs right? Whats all the fighting about??? I didn’t like those sites either. All these places ever seemed to want to do is take away my personal ideas of the ideal body and replace it with their own and it just did not work for me (think of how vampires respond to holy water and you’ll have a rough idea of how I reacted to those sites).

I get a fair few messages on my blog telling me that I’m silly to not eat and that working out and eating healthy is the way forward, as if I’m too stupid to work that out, as if my ED has anything to do with my weight on anything but the most superficial of levels. I see healthy blogs that make numerous posts about the dangers of eating too little and how it frustrates them that silly ED girls looking for a quick fix never listen to these messages and they would be happy if only they did -_-

The post of yours I ever read was you talking to your doctor about being healthy and loving your body instead of blaming everything on your size like your physiologist seemed to want. And for the first time I was reading a self-love post that made a lick of sense. I am so so sick of seeing how many posts saying ‘yeah, this woman looks strong cos she works out and thats how people should want to look, not silly and scrawny’, or ‘yeah, this woman has curves not like those skinny thing girls that don’t even know what being a woman is about’. Believe it or not I don’t look at pictures girls so underweight they’re most likely on deaths door wishing to look like that either, partly because I’ve been working on the way I think and also because all I’ve ever seen in those pictures is pain and I’ve never understood how people don’t see it. Where is my middle ground???

I cannot tell you want it means to me to see a blog that doesn’t have silly captions on each post or telling me how I need to look in order to be a real woman or to be healthy because I already have an ED to do that for me and it is very good at that, why do I need other people chiming in?!

I am in love with the message of your blog. I’m struggling with this new stage in my life A LOT and gaining weight is not a idea I can happily wrap my head around (I’m not underweight so theres no immediate worry on that front anyway), however, loving myself, being happy within my own body, this is something I can wrap my head around. I like the idea of getting healthy on my own terms instead of having other people simply change the finish line for my never-ending race towards self destruction, people never seemed to understand that I can hate myself whilst earning rock hard abs in the gym just as well as I can eating a slice of cake or simply not eating at all. Once I fix my mind and come to peace with my body everything else will fall into place, maybe I will want abs, maybe I wont. it doesn’t matter so long as I’m happy and healthy.

So I just want to thank for giving me a message of happiness that wasn’t shoving a thinly disguised warning down my throat that unless I look how they think women should look I am wrong. And thank you for being the first blog about loving your body that hasn’t make me recoil in horror. And thank you for giving me hope that I am on to something by choosing to find peace with my body and health instead of chasing some ideal in the gym. And just thank you. <3

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I am so very touched by your thanks and appreciation. I decided to post this because your perspective is very interesting.

Thank you so much <3

- Haley

Yay! :3